I don’t really know why people see me as a good and nice
person that I myself knows that I am not that so good and approachable person.
I know it’s weird to ask this but sometimes it comes up to my curiosity. Who is Tina in other people versus to
herself? Honestly I was stuck to this question but I will try my best to answer
this logic. When I had questions to myself I called it us logic like
philosophical and mathematical problems that was not that so easy to answer.
Like your not sure to your in and out attitude or your confused to yourself
just like rambled numbers and deep words that you can’t understand right away.
I had lots of friends, actually they said I’m real person
that they meet no secretes hide in life. Which is true because I proudly say
this that I’m true to myself, I’m
straight forward to people in terms
of what I hate in them or what I like to
them. But I admit sometimes being straight forward I hurt feelings because I
can’t control my words that flows to mouth. Then I realized and ask this to me,
being a straight forward person is it bad to be true? After I hurt ones
feelings my conscience and my heart (I always feel this feeling that I know I
hurt ones feeling and I should say sorry) really fight to my brain ( just being
me and that’s my way to help people realized who are them). I also choose my
friends who are people that I should respect and people that I should not
respect. I think this because I’m selfish I just want to be practical I’m only
concerned to my safety. While I’m writing this I then realized that there are
parts of me that I can say I’m evil, right now I feel introverted to myself and
to people that surrounds in me.
Now I should answer
my question to myself, maybe I can or I can’t. I write this with no script, I
just write what my question, feeling and I base it in my mood today. Even I
find out that there is also bad part of me. My answer to my self I should
diminish my attitude being straight forward to people. I know I can change
because I’m a human who have fear to god. I admit my conceitedness was my power
or I should say my way to be look strong to people that they will never thinks
that I’m also a weak person that easy to break. I just want to be like a bundle of
hallow blocks that so strong even the hummer of Thor can’t break. But then I
realized I can’t be like that because I’m also human I also have feelings.
Everything that happens to our life has reasons. But we the created
ones always ask and judge God why is this happening to your life, many questions so many questions to answer. But don’t
you think that someday these questions to yourself and god may help you. Life is
short and many people notice it. If there is more time to change then change. Changing
yourself is not bad just used this word as inspiration to be new born. Not in bad
way but in good, I realized this day it’s been long when I say sorry to a person.
But now I know saying sorry was not a bomb that can bring to death but sincerity
of saying sorry is like a recycled garbage that you can use in new one or I should
say it will be your sign to start a new life. So for those people I hurt I’m so
SORRY.
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